The beginning…

Trying to write when it really began and about my life–I often wonder if we struggled with MH stuff even as a teen/child–but of course back then it never was talked about (not that there is not a stigma attached to it today as well)–I was moody and emotional, but then werent all teens–my father died from cancer when i was 14 (he was 41)–this took a toll on my mom, as well as me and my brother–my moms health went bad, my brother became rebellious (even though now he isnt—that i know off anyways we really dont talk)–and me, well i became depressed, fat, and struggled with wanting to be with him-go visit him and talked about suicide–was I serious, honestly i dont know but I went to a counselor and she helped me cope with my grief–my teen years, and young adult years were hard–my mom became sick (diabetic and other things)–I though went off to college and got a bachelors degree–later to get another bachelors degree in criminal justice many years later–I was married twice–the first was just kind of in love with being in love–we parted as friends–the second marriage I still miss (even though i shouldnt which will explain later)–with him i had a son (well we did, but i say I because he has nothing to do with him, and havent seen or talked to him in 14 years)–anyways jump to the last few years–after my divorce I was a single mom working 2 jobs, and later going to school to work on my masters–was full of life, faith, hopes, and dreams–my mom was my support (emotionally even though she was sick)–she died when i was 33 and my son was 3–she had cancer and i took this death hard–i relied on my faith to get me through-that was in 2004–but I pulled my strength and still continued to work FT, go to school, be a single mom and enjoy life–so I thought–my son and I were on top of the world–walking in the light so to speak–then IT happened–out of no where EVERYTHING came crashing down–pretty much like walking along and the ground drops out and we fall in a deep dark pit–and still stuck there……………… (to be continued)

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