Drained….does it ever end????

So emotionally drained today–well more emotionally spiritually and physically–guess a small part of it might have been staying up late watching the PENS in the stanley cup playoffs—but honestly I think most of you know what the emotionally exhaustion, the physical exhaustion, the i cant get out of bed, nor do I want to that comes with the dark hole, shadow, that follows you–depression–am trying to fight it but the more i fight it, the more intense it gets–trying to occupy my mind, but lacking energy and as try to do that, my mind goes back to those words we hear again over and over–worthless, “die”, hurt, unwanted, etc–not really a point–just give in, sleep—I tried to reach out too, but that doesnt go over well because like always everyone is just too busy for us and we get the constant reminder then how unwanted, burden we are—one thing that helped at some points was/is being there for others–but right now that has over drained us because that is all this other person talks about for the past 2 months–yeah I listen, i help talk her through it, help support, help validate her emotions, feelings and that she just has to ride it out (has to do with divorce)–then when we try to talk about something that comes us for us–we get get over it, dont feel that way, or we get nothing–yeah we would like the support and reassurance too–but that doesnt happen so we just need to learn–we did learn we thought, but decided to try and reach out–but got slapped again–as we are already drained–then worried about place to live–to make it short where i live is going through a divorce, my son and i live in the upper part of the house–all i hear lately is how they have all this stuff to split up–she doesnt want the “old” cars, she doesnt want the other “house”, no money, and how when and if she has to leave she will get to go to her kids she is sure–but she wants to stay here, she wants to live here, but she doesnt want to have to work–yada yada yada–as much as we understand that we tend to get envious–we dont say it but we would long to work, but cant due to our mh stuff, we would long to have a car–even if we had something cheap (let alone many cars to split up)–but no money and no one to help us get one, we would long to have or even now to be able to walk with the support of so many people–and lastly we would long for knowing we had a place to live if she loses this house–we mentioned that to her, and got “I dont know what to tell you”–and yeah eeeks–we said you can move in an instant to a family–we cant–we have no where and to get any type of assistance would be months–so now that worry is in our minds–the stress, the emotional drain of being there, the emotional drain of our own issues, the mh stuff–just want it all to stop—but we will walk with her, as we continue to walk alone,  as much as she needs because we know all to well how hard it is to walk alone


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