words long to hear..

There honestly are many words i long to hear–how are you, i understand, how can i help, or someone to just listen, understand–support–to just be there–things i know will never happen–all i get is desertion, and those “looks” as i am sure many of you know what i mean—

however, the word right now i long to hear is…I AM SORRY–i wrote a few posts ago about my son and a job opportunity–but us not having transporation, and no one to give it–and how someone pretty much (well someone i thought was a acquaintance-i dont call anyone friend anymore really–well there are a few) anyways how said acquaintance pretty much ripped me a new asshole about turning down the job (my son and i, well at that time it was definate) how lazy my son was, bad a parent i was, how i screwed acquaintance over by not letting her give my son a ride–and other stuff–so after being yelled at, at that point i gave in and told her she won and signed my son back up for the program and orientation–so against my own decision and wishes–i knew she wouldnt fulfill (she had a lot on her plate)and i also knew my food stamps may get cut–needless to say i gave in and reluctantly my son went to orientation after him trying to bully me into changing my mind–well orientation went okay sort of–felt uncomfortable–she fullfilled, and my son was to get paid–he did not know his work assisgnment yet and was not sure if acquaintance could fullfill that, however….well the last day of orientation–an hour before all was done some of the teens got into a fight–go figure—and they all got sent home and told that they may have to go through orientation again, and she did not know if she would give them jobs—said acquaintance was more pissed then i was–meanwhile my food assistance was up for re eval during that time and yeppers since my son was to be working–they cut my food assistance in half—huge struggle with a teen boy who eats ALL the time–good thing i struggle with an eating disorder–anyways my son came home after that day, 2 weeks ago a friday and informed me–sigh…my concern honestly at that time was food assistance but also my son at least getting paid for orientation–well the following week–well after waiting, leaving messages and such my son heard back from the head of the program yesterday (J)–needless to say i was NOT happy with the late notice, but acquaintance said my son ride and this job was her FIRST PRIORITY–so my son gets the call at 11:00 and i told he needs to be there at 1:00 to sign his time sheets from orientation to get paid, as well as job assisgnment–acquaintance (M) was busy, i knew and i knew she would not be happy–however, my son asked her–she said NO, cant she send it, uhhhh NO he needs to sign–so i had my son call J and see if there was another time that day, or later this week–she said any time that day but it needed done that day (of course i was not happy with last notice but all i cared at this time was his pay and job)–so i went and started to talk to M–and all she did was continue to complain about the notice of the program–and to have them mail it–i kept trying to tell her they cant, it needed SIGNED and to get his assignment, but he could go any time today (which gave her 6 hours to work with)–she would not listen and kept going off–while my son was on the phone with J–i finally told my son tell J we cant and i told M to just forget it—sigh…i had no money nor any other transportation–welll late last night M emails me and said i hope your son got his paycheck–i wanted to say so much, becaue obviously my son was NOT a priority—but i just kindly explained she was so frustrated with the situation she refused to listen–all we needed was a ride to get the papers signed anytime that day—so he didnt get paid, and now has no job—i just think she could have asked, talked, and worked differently–even though i know the program sucked at their notice, but i wanted to get his money and deal with that later–he deserved the money–so no money, no assisgnment, and no food assistance—and what ticks me off the most is mad at myself for giving in a few weeks ago to acquaintance, because none of this would have happened if i would have followed my own instincts–sigh… and i guess i just was hoping from her–an “I’m sorry, i should of heard you out before yelling”

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