“Silent Tears”

Tired, exhausted, drained–not sure why per se–used to think PMS made it worse–but why ALL the time–long so much for a “good” day–dont remember when ever had one in years—sure the fourth and the fireworks set us off–again have no idea why but the constant fireworks and loud noises from so many directions makes us spin, and spin–not sure who is familiar with the spinning of the mind but it is hell–and not sure why the trigger with that–guess sometimes that is a problem, wish we understood the triggers, the why–but we dont–when things trigger and happen 99% of the time we dont understand why, which makes it worse–we struggle with any “memories” of the past, family, etc–dont have contact with them anymore to find out–they all deserted us, which is “fine”–not really but it been so long, so many years–lately I have the vision of the last time my aunt saw me–I was in the hospital on an “attempt”-my aunt and uncle came in and she threw the empty bottle of pills at me, on my bed and said, “look at you, YOU ruined everyones life”–all I did was stare–what did I want the bottles for?? then when the nurse came in, the nurse got on my case because of the bottles–i said my aunt threw them at me, as I was crying–of course noo one cared at that time–nor do they now–sigh..idk just kind of babbling..sorry…sorry becaues I just dont matter…just a burden–

does anyone hear, see my silent tears?????


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