Falling into darkness??

Havent written in awhile–learning how much this MH stuff is running with my spiritual abuse stuff–stuff that I believe aided in PTSD–I write a blog “You will rise again” if you want to read that too–anyways my depression has been horrible–find myself still falling deeper and deeper into the pit of darkness–the worst as I said before is here, no support, no nothing–I came here where i currently live for that, several years ago. however after the spiritual abuse so much got worse, and now stuck–even more hurt, depressed, among other MH stuff–they told me it was demons–i would do almost anything to not feel this dark shadow that looms with me–the getting out of bed, shower, work, eat, anything–the darkness wont go away–and the triggering of the PTSD from the spiritual stuff has ben so strong and present–the ministers i came down here for are now getting a divorce–such a long sad story–now they are both “cheating” on each other–one believes they are following “*god” while, honestly the other..well she has convinced herself how much of a victim she is, and only cares about herself–I know that is bad to say–sorry–she used to say she was my friend–but honestly a “friend” is there for each other, a friend MAKES time for the other–I guess i struggle with the realization that no one is like me–I tend to text to check on others, write, text, cards, just to say hey, thinking of you, how are you, etc–i truly dont want anyone to ever feel what it feels like, and to be a lone with NO ONE–yeah that is me–sorry, but writing this is bringing back my lonliness, and hurts–guess sometimes just wish i still had a “friend” IRL–when I moved down here, gave up everything–had to, they told me I had to–now I have nothing, and no one–sigh…unless of course THEY need something.


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