“invisible”

This time of year is hard–sure it is with many people who struggle with MH issues, and such–It is this time of year i wish others truly understood lonly vs lonliness–I honestly dont mind being alone–someone who struggles with depression, honestly I like alone–the quiet, the serenity, the not spinning, no noise, ect–it is very difficult for me to concentrate when 2 things are going on at once–spinning pursues, and then the darkness

however, this time of year i struggle a lot with feeling alone, feeling not really lonly but alone–people say often get over it, be greatful, you have your son, and yeah thankful for him–but it is so much more then that–dont know much of anyone where we live-the one person we do, (someone who lives in the bottom half of the house)-doesnt talk to us much anymore–and that is what makes it so alone–i see gatherings for the holidays, the memories, the turkey, the celebration, the “family/friends”, and even the food–as I sit here with not a word, no food, no celebration, no memories–just lonliness really–not that I need anyone, not that i would really eat either since i struggle with an ED–but even this time of year it is the little things–as others gather sorry but I dont like to hear about them–guess i do, but dont–I often wonder if my “family” even thinks of me and my son anymore–doubt it–were never invited then either when we lived up there–but honestly all I really long for is a thought, a hug, a little thing–a REAL word that says thinking about you and your son today

just feeling invisible, and honestly would be easier if I really was–hate this time of year as the darkness gets darker and darker

and as I write this I know it is me, guess dont blame them, who would want to be around someone like me anyways, someone so pathetic, dark, lost, and such–“I” would–“I would spend it with any of you that has no one if I could”–if you are alone this holiday, sorry, drop a line here, I will listen, and read–and if youre not, please understand the pain for those who are and reach out to them–just a little hey thinking of you might be the one thing that gives them hope through the holidays

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