I try really hard NOT to call crisis lines–normally I dont reach out much to anyone anymore–why, well when I call my bff in a crisis I get I am busy–sigh.. seriously–and really no one else to call so we attempt to cope–usually we get through–honestly usually the “thought” is there but we fight it–but this time tonight, honestly our spinning mind (literally) and other MH things (ones dont want to write about right now) was going bad to worse–voices were getting louder–all this in the myst of the outside noises where we live–the huge trigger that started it all–we struggle with PTSD and literally hate noise–do to it making other “things” louder and worse–as it started we fought–we wanted to go say something to the trigger person but she/they are already aware of us–already aware how we can not stand noise and the affects–so we were struggling–after trying our so called bff it only got worse because now we arent important–and that voice is getting louder–so this time we decided to try a crisis line–needed to do something–a safeline something–someone to “understand”–someone who cared (even though not know them)–a real voice so to speak–so we dial–and what do we get but a voice mail–we are busy, plz try again later——–um seriously, what???? need you now what?? took my all to call??? are we that UNimportant—what?? so we tried again quickly–maybe it was our own voices and NOT an answering machine–nope same thing—SERIOUSLY???? sigh…unimportant

but now the noise downstairs has stopped (for now) and the frustration of the crisis line–at this moment we are thoroughly exhausted–but “THAT” voice is gone for now–so guess in a  ironic way that crisis line worked–just not the way we thought or needed

i wonder has this happened to others too????



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