Only get…. (Sorry)

struggling today–but then when arent we anymore

Only get talked to when you arent busy (why cant people make the time)

Only get “heat” when you so call feel like it–landlord lives downstairs–governs the heat–however, it never blows up through our vents–we complained and of course get, nothing we can do….seriously this is YOUR place, your job as a landlord–therefore had to charge a heater (as they sit downstairs in the warmth)

Only get “cool” air in the summer when you feel like it–the heat, humidity upstairs is unbearable in the summer–both me and now my son have lung, breathing issues–of which we complained, and the landlord knows about–but again, nothing we can do, as they sit downstairs in the cold, cool air.

Only get..well never but when you know things trigger our PTSD, and other stuff–you know the things that make it worse, and what it does to us–things that can be avoided–things you knew about when you asked us to move in here–however, things you CHOOSE not to do anything about as our MH, PTSD suffer and there are times all we want to do is make it stop—sigh…

the only gets could go on and on and  on–

thinking will stop writing now—we are just INVISIBLE, and all this helps us realize the true reason why we never think we deserve anything

as wind down this post now tremendously feel and apologize how SELFISH we sound..ugh SORRY

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Poetry

stuck at a standstill

no where to go

no one wants us anyhow

no moving forward

no going back

all just is

the voices

the madness

the darkness

the noise

all just overwelming

just stand in the spot

and the only hope it seems

is the world will just swallow us up

just wanting it all to end

wondering but knowing

no one would even know

we were gone

((anonymous))

“Does anyone hear her????

A huge struggle for me and my MH stuff–no one has ever heard us, cared, anything–way back to child hood to now–struggling with being “invisible”–therefore anymore we dont talk, write, or reach out–never heard anyways–the house we live in (upper apt) can be hell–needless to say we now live above a remarried landlord who has married an alcoholic, drug user, who can also be abusive–needless to say to is very very loud–and loudness, the sudden noises is a huge huge huge PTSD trigger for us–something the landlord has known..sigh..and anyone who has PTSD knows some of the effects–and when it hits, unfortunately the other MH issues prevent us from being able to use any coping techniques–all those voices, words, blah blah blah–there are times we just want everything to just STOP—this seems to be an everyday thing anymore and no matter what we ask or say—it is NEVER heard–plus the flashbacks from hearing the yelling downstairs doesnt help either—we try to cope, but to us it is hell and even my son struggles—his issue is health related–i believe it is also anxiety, panic attack related but evaluation says no–we have been to the doctors more times these past few months then his lifetime–he is a teen, but his breathing (something he struggled with as a kid too_ but never to this extent–sure the “mold” around and what the landlord was burning in furnace, the smoking, ect made it all worse–we have gotten several documentations from the doctor saying this affects his health–gave it to the landlord–again NEVER heard–NEVER cared—last night again was the worst for my son–we get up at 5:30 for school–he tries to go bed by 10–after springbreak it was hard to get to sleep (me never sleep it seems mind races) anyway at 11:00 he comes into my room–AGAIN the downstairs music, tv, whatever is so loud it vibrates his floor–usually it is mine but this time was his–his anxiety kicked in, his chest issues, ect–sigh…after 30 minutes i finally texted them–knock it off plz–after also copying all the noise violation charges and tenant/landlord laws–finally they stopped–but really?????? we want to give them the copy of the “laws”–but know they will tell us to leave—really?? sad thing is the lady/landlord was friends with us–she knows our struggles with MH and invited us here–she knows we have no money and all our assistance goes to them for rent–no money–thought she cared—but with all this again realize we are INVISIBLE–never heard

going to go now, depression hitting hard as well as other stuff–thanks for listening/reading–normally we dont write “personal” stuff per se about our life–more of our MH stuff–but…. so alone, not feeling lonly but alone and wonder–does anyone care–never heard