Missing you

This is one of those things i keep putting off–been wanting to write, but out of site out of mind for us–and that is exactly what been doing—made some reference to it, but back in end of February I lost one of my dearest friends to su–and as I write that, the tears flow–unfortunately she wasnt the first–and I learned the last time that keeping fb friends with her page (the first was Lisa a dear dear fb, college) friend of mine–anyway as I went to Lisa’s page it was always the reminder of those feelings: sadness, lost, and for me envy–i know how bad that sounds–and a lot of guilt—this time the same feelings, envy is really big–dont say much but we had a “pact”–wont go into the details, but..well..yeah… she gone, we still here–but so much sadness, lost, and with her lots of guilt–guilty that isnt relevant, really but so real to us-we often wonder did we not do enough, reach out enough, ect–will refer to her as Gen.. Gen and us had so so much in common–a commonality that was more then just liking, disliking the same things–we never met–we talked a few times (not much) and texted—until the very end when for the last few months we went in hiding—truth be told things triggered us–mainly due to the commonlarities–but more so we felt we were hindering her and her healing….so we pulled away–a few weeks (if that) before–we tried, and she tried to get in contact with us–we only wonder—-but the similarities over all the years we known her was just frightening (and no not in a scary way) but weird way–we were both from the same state, both had similar “things” happen, whenever we would text, write, or read on posts on FB–it was almost the exact thing we wrote, texted, or felt–so deep as our feelings, but also it she had a symptom (medical), a bruise, a cut, or anything—weird how we did to–but never knew how or why–which is part of our MH stuff–it was just so odd–but odd in a good way sometimes because this was truly a kindred spirit to us, a person whom truly in all sense understood—-and now she is gone 😦  it went even as far as her in real life BFF has the same name as ours—-this all still seems so surreal to us–maybe it is because we didnt talk all the time, so it is almost like she, or I is just hiding, trying to deal–and out of the blue we stupidly thing she will write, or text again—all the while our heart knowing it wont happen—we just miss her more then the words here can say—going to try and post a video here–makes me think of her–just truly miss her–she really was the only one—sure it was on FB, cyber world–we dont talk about her, her death, or anything—no one in our life cares about us, or anything—plus not sure any one would really understand–they are our feelings that we are so trying to deal with–some days are better then others–how we miss you–how we miss our BFF…our kindred spirit

Angel by Beverly Mitchell–for you Gen

RIP Gen–fly with butterflies       RIP Lisa P

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