Feeling stuck here and unsure again how to handle–I know my son, my teenager–and as much as he doesnt want to admit it he struggles with anxiety–nothing to be ashamed of–but as a parent, and a parent that experiences it myself I see the signs–I have taken him in to be evaluated, but at this time there is not much of anything anyone will do so I try to teach him how to deal with it–the teen years make it worse, as for right now–he is one who hates talking in front of people (as in a class), doesnt raise his hand, doesnt ask questions, and kind of just cowars so to speak–when he knows he has to present himself the anxiety gets worse and sometimes he makes himself “sick” so to speak and his heart races—I try to encourage him as a parent to take baby steps–if he doesnt want to speak TO teachers with questions, then email, at least it is something–he even panics about this (the emails)–he is so afraid of their reactions, the reactions when he gives presentations (of other students as well as the teachers), afraid of the teachers responses, and even afraid of teachers thinking he is stupid, unworthy, bad, not good enough, ect—all the things teens struggle with anyway–I try to tell him that the teachers would be appreciative (so I think/thought)–I have emailed some of his teachers letting them know of this dilemna, his anxiety, him not speaking, ect–they all say thanks for letting them know–i reinterate to try to be encouraging to him–how the anxiety kicks in, ect—well this past weekend one of his teachers was so NOT understanding at all–my son has a class and he didnt do good on the test–he could do the questions over (all the kids could) and then meet with the teacher at some point and get extra point–the teacher also wanted them to come to help night and or a tutor—well we cant go to help night (no car) and cant afford a tutor–both things we told the teacher at the beginning of the semester–she seemed to be understanding–bringing this type of thing up embarasses my son–I know he just wants to fit in, and honestly understand (even though it hurts)–well all week been trying to get my son to email the teacher, to make the initiative about the test–he did the corrections and said he made stupid mistakes, that he fixed them—i told him email the teacher explain, and hopefully she should be understanding–he agonized about it all week–afraid the teacher would criticize him, degrade him, ect—the anxiety was horrible–but each day i tried to be encouraging—well this friday evening he finally emailed her (me thinking finally, i know how hard it was for him and proud he did)–he was terrified of her response (as honestly i was thinking, what kind of teacher would respond negative, right??)–well was I wrong—today he got an email back—he was terrified to open it/read it–i said go ahead, again thinking proud of him for writing—and low and behold the email was full of criticisms–first she gripes at him that it too him so long to write, second that since he took too long she will NOT be giving him any credit for the work he did, he was to get with a tutor and since he couldnt he was to get with her and have her sign it and now it is too late–she pretty much said he was lazy, and that he was totally unknowledgeable about the topic on the test and how poorly he did–(which in all honesty is exactly what scared my son and gave him anxiety a response like this)–he was so upset, hurt, mad he threw down the phone, was going to rip up his hard work, was crying, ect—-after a few hours he FINALLY calmed down and we went to the store–I explained to him how i too felt her response was inappropriate (especially since someone at his school just took his life due to grades, ect)–that she should at least wrote some encouraging words that thanked him for emailing, thanked him for taking the time, but that it was late however she would meet with him–something that was not ALL critical–sigh..he is nervous now about the class–sure he is even more nervous about ever writing a teacher again—but he is suppose to try and give her the test anyway after class, tell he her tried, knows he wont get credit, but wanted her to see it anyway)–honestly not sure if he will—and it is hard for me to be encouraging about that—-really debate writing a counselor at the school about the email, but unsure—it is just replies like that from the teacher that discourage my son, and am sure others who struggle with teen issues, fitting it, and anxiety–sigh=====not sure what to do
Been a long time, so it seems–one dark valley after another–after the food stamp cut, now I have Dept of Treasurey (from school loans) going to garnish my SSI–was so proud of my college degrees–now just the constant reminder of how “pathetic” we are-trying to fight the garnishing, but it isnt going very well and get so tired of fighting for everything–we fight every day for “survival” so to speak anyway–anything else is exhausting as am sure many know.
Writing today though for something else–it has been suicide prevention–and a day after my sons HS puts on a program on that a senior takes his own life–not writing that to make a connection, just more the irony–hard for kids/teens to comprehend and understand–my sons response was “why, he is a senior?”–not to sure how to explain some of that to him–as we talk about the pressures of HS in general, especially now a days–seems anymore the schools are so (well more the “criteria”) on GPS, grades, and tests–the more points, the better–and passing all the federal and state now standards–when I was in school, yeah way way way back when it wasnt like that–and the way schools are you either learn THIS way or you are screwed–my son actually tested into his school, was a straight A student–but even in Elementary school the teachers didnt like the “way” he learned–he was a memorizer–he was more artistic–he did not like writing–he would draw pictures instead and get an F–at one point I held him back (honestly he was struggling, but mainly because we were moving anyways, and just thought it would be better for him, his self esteem, ect in the long run)–this turned out to be true–but once HS has been here–he struggles–I have always pushed doing well in school, excelling, ect–do your work before play, checking everything–even as he started HS a few years ago–now I dont do that as much and just tell him how important his grades are for a future–he gets it, he understands…but… yeah some of the teachers just dont teach the way he learns best (no not blaming the teachers in any sense)–but it makes it hard–my son has his own “anxiety”, hates talking in class, questions, let a lone get in front of the class–sometimes he has panic attacks–I tell him to do the best he can–to try–well…. as a teen he doesnt do that so on participation grades he gets 0–of course as a parent–“mad”–but also trying to work with him–informed the teachers of his panic attacks–but it just goes no where—or some other classes where he does great on homework, projects, but when it comes to tests he bombs–therefore averaging a D in some classes-when he isnt a D student—i try to tell him to talk with the teachers, to do the extra credit–but in that sense when he gets home he is exhausted–he gets up at 5 and doesnt get home till 5—all school related, not extra curricular—a long day for a teen and he says when i get home I am tired and tired of learning–i understand that, however….. your teachers and grades dont–i try to be supportive–not making excuses–but am not sure what to do–am I doing it wrong–should i be more on him–i understand his anxiety, his test anxiety–but his future will also suffer–that is the way the state seems to be–i try to tell him to do his best–and he says he is–i know he is smarter then that…but, now babbling–just unsure how to handle it, where to draw the line but on the flip side NOT discourage, and reinterate that his GPA is all that matters—especially since rumors were that had a big reason why the student took his life–just sometimes it seems so much pressure on teens and kids now a days–and sadly enough, guess us parents add to that–know this was babble–sorry